Thoughts of a Slightly Healthier Narcissist


So by now I think the -2 people and one chinchilla who actually read this blog have established that it’s a place where I post excerpts of my work-in-progress book called “Thoughts of a Dying Narcissist”. However, that narcissist has decided to take a break, so here are the less poetic thoughts of a slightly younger and healthier narcissist. It’s yours truly.

The point behind writing this isn’t to cause a change or spread a message. It’s simply me trying to figure out what’s going on in the world. (Now that I reread this, I realized that I ended up trying to spread a message. Oh well!) People are growing less and less interesting, not to my personal taste, but in general. Minds are rapidly becoming less fascinating. It’s very rare to find someone whose vision of life is unique and in no way superficial.

Now I’m someone who strongly appreciates whatever people call “aesthetics” these days, whether it’s related to actual aesthetics, or the beauty of a moment, or even an experience. And it bothers me how so little people share that with me. Most of the people around me are now just different versions of the same creature. “Let’s go drinking” or “I want to go to that one place where I can charge my phone and use it all night because why the hell would I want to experience life through the pupils of my own eyes instead of a screen?”

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all about that life, too. I am a frequent user of social media, I love hanging out with friends in places with nice music, hell I’ve even wasted half my own life playing video games (spoiler alert: not wasted). 

But I long to find someone who simply wants to discover new places with me. Go camping and get lost in the woods instead of sticking our asses in the tent. Enter that creepy abandoned building we always pass by on our way to the closest cafe. Go somewhere with long trees and sit in silence for a long long time as we let go of the routines we lead and embrace the beauty of our surroundings. 

The last time someone told me to stargaze with them, they ended up being there not for the experience, but simply to feel like they’ve achieved something our society could consider complex or “poetic”. That was very evident when said person snapped a photo of the stars every other damned minute. 

We’ve grown so fond of what we do on daily basis that no one even tries to “observe” anymore.

Now I know what many of you may be thinking. “He thinks he’s so special for extracting a few emotions that Tumblr [which I don’t use, yeah] told him he should feel to be a special little cornflake riding on the nyan unicorn that shoots laser eyes while nintendo songs fill the air.” 

I’ve gotten that a lot, without the Nintendo part, of course. And it pains me that people think I enjoy these things for the attention I get, rather than the experience itself. People I’m close to know how much I love straying away from groups sometimes and finding a spot where I can sit alone and feel at piece. Often when I do, I neither check my phone nor remember its existence. Ruining such moments via social media is futile.

“But Nour, I always see your sorry ass tweeting about this shit.” Wrong. I tweet AFTER said experience is done and I’m back home and in bed. 

“But here you are writing a stupid ass blog post that no one will read instead of living your life.” It’s almost 10 fucking pm and I have no car to go anywhere interesting at the moment. Get over it. (I also just happen to be procrastinating tomorrow’s project.)

My point here isn’t to convince you to let go of these things. We all use them, we all love them. But don’t mix special moments with things that you do every other minute of the day. It just takes away from the beauty of such moments. 

Pause. Breathe. Observe. Absorb. Appreciate.


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