4th of January, 2020 – Loss


(Best read with the attached audio track below)


I was sitting on a fragile wooden chair, looking at the open door in front of my twitching eyes; watching, waiting… 

Heavy light came through, yet it couldn’t defeat the darkness of the room in which I sat. 

I watched, with an aching heart, as shadows around me slipped into the wondrous lands of light that stood behind that door.

I watched, with my fragile eyes, as it embraced them with open arms. 

I watched, with complete resentment and jealousy, as figures were admitted into realms that I wasn’t allowed to visit.

For whenever I attempted to walk through that door, I heard the soft voice of an old man. “Only in due time,” he said. “Only in due time…”

But when was due time? How long must a man wait to go through a door that all his loved ones had already crossed, leaving him with nothing but the long hours he must spend before following them?

Oh how I longed to rejoice in the light I saw. How I wanted to leave the room I was in, with its deadly darkness.

The biggest irony was that the door couldn’t be closed. It stood there, open, mocking me; showing me what I want, but can’t reach. It stood there, as music played around me, from within the dark room. Depressing dark music that only made my soul ache more and more.

What stood behind the door was not the realm of death, as many would have assumed. I did not seek death, I did not want death.

What stood behind the door was something I wanted far, far more. And the saddest part is that the only means to know what it really was stood behind the door itself. 


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