If I Die

 

If I die

Do not mourn my death

Had you not mourned the years of suffering through which I’ve lived

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On the Reality of Abandonment


This one’s harder for me to write about, since I haven’t exactly figured out most answers, or many answers for that matter. I just know it’s an issue I’ve had to deal with for years on end, one that single-handedly has the ability to drag me down into the darkest depths of my depression.

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On the Reality of Suicide – Things I’ve Come to Know.

 

I’d never hoped to write this as someone who has experienced the feeling of wanting to take their own life. The idea itself was once too foreign, too abstract, too ridiculous of an adventure for me to embark on, as I hope you – the person reading this right now – feel about it. I mean, it’s ridiculous to believe I could reach a point where the idea of taking my own life actually triggers the kind of response that pushes me to do it, right?

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A Gallery All Too Familiar – Unedited Excerpt/Draft

This excerpt is a very early draft, creating the setting for a few key events that will take place in the story. It’s in an early stage but I felt like sharing it. Enjoy!

I was back. Back in the room with the memories I’d dreaded. Back in the room that had always mocked me. Back to four walls, back to claustrophobia. Back to a comfortable chair with uncomfortable sentiments. Back to the dark aesthetic adorned by a blinding light, hiding behind unreachable realms.

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Eden III: Inferno – Excerpt

This excerpt is a continuation of:

Eden I

Eden II

Silence and repose conquered the room, as I watched my dying self struggle to breathe in its deathbed. All I saw was a mass of weakness, giving in to the all-mighty fiend of eternal rest. How I loathed such a sight of imperfection, metamorphosing from the grandness of youth into a meek slave of time. Self-spite filled my very core, as the scene I was facing mocked my existence. Continue reading

Eden II: Translated Fears

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(Prerequisite reads: around half of the chapters I’ve previously released, so it’s better to be up-to-date with the story before reading this chapter.

Direct pre-requisite:

Eden I: Ripples, Ripples, Ripples… 

Make sure to play the video below so that you can hear the accompanying soundtrack for this chapter)

It felt as though I were waking from a long dream, surrounded by the weirdest of trees; twisted and spiraling around themselves, with crows clutched upside down to the long branches.

As I looked above me, to the vivid cloudy sky, my body shifted. No longer was I observing the sky, but instead falling towards it. However, passing through the thick clouds, I saw no infinite skies beyond them, but ground, coming closer and closer.

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Eden I: Ripples, Ripples, Ripples…

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“Oh there is a God, my son, only our idea of Him is quite distorted, you see. We were never the chosen ones, showered with the blessings he allotted to us. Our intelligence, our path, our destiny, and our existence… They are all shared. We are but an experiment amongst many, led to hell and back for the sake of knowledge we cannot begin to comprehend. This world has never been perfected. Theodicy in general had always been a bit too optimistic. Our world is not, as the enlightened French used to say, le meilleur des mondes possibles; a stolen saying for all that matters.

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